Los Angelinos Proposing $35 Million Overpass For Mountain Lions -- September 2, 2015

Updates

October 25, 2020: project is still "on." 

Original Post 

Los Angelinos are proposing to build a $35 million wildlife bridge over Interstate 101 for mountain lions to cross over. Where would they get the money? From "public coffers." Taxpayers. LOL.

Artist's rendering of proposed mountain lion overpass:

To ensure the mountain lions use this overpass, the city will hire Tyrolian shepherds to stage their sheep on either side of the overpass. Both white and black sheep will be staged and integrated at both sheep-holding areas. Animal activists have also been assured that no "live" sheep will actually be injured in this endeavor. Max's Deli over on Figueroa Street will get the contract to place mutton chops on the overpass; the meat will be imported from Australia. St Bernards will protect the "live" sheep.

PETA will provide 24/7 oversight of the overpass / underpass. The Tyrolian shepherd will be bonded due to the litigious nature of Californians. The overpass will meet or exceed California earthquake standards.

Construction will result in 350 jobs for about 18 months. Al Gore, the inventor of wildlife overpasses, will be the on-site consultant-advisor and will represent the mountain lions. Once the overpass is completed, approximately twenty full-time employees will manage the project, including one more PETA observer than necessary; two Tyrolian shepherds; one St Bernard handler; two "overpass park rangers" who will remove sheep droppings and mountain lion waste; and one mutton chop courier. Wildlife specialists will be posted at regular intervals on both sides of the freeway leading up to the overpass to ensure no humans accidentally wander into the protected area.

This is why I remain inappropriately optimistic about the future of the United States. We apparently have a) no shortage of money; and, b) no shortage of really, really good ideas.