Military And The Holidays -- November 25, 2020

For the archives, for the grandchildren:

I remember while serving in the military and in retirement, non-military folks talking about how lonely we must have gotten when deployed overseas or deployed away from our families over the holidays.

Everyone's experience, of course, was different, and even for individuals, their experiences varied from one holiday to the next, and from one year to the next. 

Good commanders were aware of the "lonely soldier" meme and worked to address it. 

For me, it seemed the families were the lonely ones. It might have been worse for families stationed overseas, compared to families living stateside. I don't know. We were stationed overseas for thirteen consecutive years while in the military so Europe (and Asia, to some extent) became the family's home. 

Overseas, the families bonded together very, very well, for the most part. 

For me, the active duty member, I don't recall ever being lonely over the holidays except on one occasion. And that one exception was because I was truly alone. But generally, active duty personnel are deployed with a group of fellow soldiers, seamen, airmen. I suppose the big exceptions: forward air controllers, spies, an occasional medic. But I digress.

As I was saying, generally, active duty personnel were deployed with others and the bond among the group was incredible. In addition, on most deployments I was kept so busy that I never had the chance to feel lonely. In addition, while deployed, calendars really weren't a thing. December 23rd seemed a lot like December 24th and that seemed a lot like December 25th. In fact, it seemed, thinking back on it, it almost seemed worse if folks tried to make the holidays "special" or "different." 

That was my experience. But it would have been different for everyone. 

Interestingly, on a bummer of a note, I do believe depression and suicide was more of a problem when back at home compared to deployments. 

My hunch: loneliness and holidays are worse for roughnecks and truckers in the Permian and the Bakken. The military had incredibly good support systems and really, really worked to take care of their own. Those support systems, it seems are often lacking in other sectors. 

I do remember the most lonely moments ... and they were moments, not hours or days. Those moments usually occurred when I was on a 24-hour emergency room shift. About 1:00 a.m. to 3:00 a.m. if things were slow, nothing going on, it could be very lonely in a small, USAF hospital in the middle of nowhere: one physician, one nurse, and two medical technicians. The radiology technician might have been down the hall but that was about it. An empty waiting room, eerily quiet. And then, for a moment, I would feel lonely.

I never asked my dad -- who served in the US Navy on a troop carrier -- if he ever got lonely. I know he was very, very close to his mother -- and for that reason, I think he may have had spells of melancholy or loneliness but he never spoke of being lonely. He always said the best two years of his life -- he lived to be almost 96 years old -- were those in the US Navy. 

The one musician who can make me unbelievably lonely: Floyd Cramer. 

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Memories

Wow, wow, wow. A great idea.

It won't be many years now -- and that's assuming we stay in good physical and mental health -- otherwise it might be even sooner -- that my wife and I end up in an assisted living facility, each confined to a single room, at best. 

Because we were seldom apart for extended periods during our lives, we really don't have many letters to treasure in our old age, when confined to that single room. We have lots of photos, but not a lot of letters.

I have kept journals for the three granddaughters from the day they were born. I now have dozens or maybe even scores of journals for the three granddaughters. Then listening to the George Jones song below, it struck me. 

I'm going to start a journal for my wife, writing short one- or two-page vignettes -- seed stories, Sophia would call them -- about our years together. Then when we move into our single rooms I will set the journal(s) by her bedside for nighttime reading.

Even if our minds are gone, we might enjoy reading about a couple that were in love for 50+ years.

He Stopped Loving Her Today, George Jones