Today is so depressing and so slow, I have finally gotten around to replying to a reader who wanted to know what North Dakota offered those who were new to the state:
1. Chocolate licorice, sunflower seeds, and pork rinds still outsell avocados, artichokes, and arugula.
2. Tater tot salad and jello are year-round staples. In fact, they are the foundation of the North Dakota food pyramid.
3. Handguns-for-sale are on display at the corner convenience store. With ammo. Age restrictions may apply. Or not.
4. Deer whistles for bumpers are sold with no “satisfaction-guaranteed” promises.
5. “No shoes, no shirt, no service” signs are never seen in February. Help wanted signs are.
6. Folks have had electric cords hanging out of the front of their cars long before Elon Musk came along.
7. The one North American event that will not be canceled due to coronavirus: the Minot Hostfest.
8. Mosquitoes were the only thing Lewis and Clark remembered about the area when reporting back to President Jefferson. Lewis and Clark are no longer with us. Wish we could say the same about the mosquitoes.
9. You only need outfits for two seasons — winter and August. When the temperature gets above zero, it’s short-sleeve weather. Zero degrees Farhenheit if there was any question.
10. You can earn $450,000 in the oil fields but still not be able to afford a double-wide. But you can sleep in your F-450. With your dog. And your gun. Or guns.
Perhaps my favorite:
Car dealers sell new cars with cracks already in the windshield so you are not disappointed when you get that first chip in your windshield five minutes after driving off the lot.
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