The Deep State; The Swamp -- February 25, 2020

Note: this was done quickly. It was not proofread. There will be content and typographical errors. There is nothing about the Bakken in this note. This is not ready for prime time. It is as close to stream of consciousness that I might come. I might clean this up later, but probably not. I will probably add stuff as the night goes on. But I'm not sure I will spend much time on this.

I'm still re-reading Vincent Bugliosi's book on the JFK assassination. The current environment of "fake news" puts that whole Dallas event in perspective. And I'm getting ready to enjoy octopus / cucumber salad.

If you haven't heard, this is quite remarkable.

Dr Nancy Messonnier.

Rod Rosenstein.

Dr Nancy, earlier today:

Dr. Nancy Messonnier, the agency’s director of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases, said in a press briefing on Tuesday that the time for Americans to begin preparing for a potential outbreak of the virus is now, although officials believe the immediate threat to the public remains low.

“As more and more countries experience community spread, successful containment at our borders becomes harder and harder,” Messonnier said. “Ultimately, we expect we will see community spread in this country. It’s not so much a question of if this will happen anymore, but rather more a question of when this will happen, and how many people in this country will have severe illness.”

The market opened "green," then plunged almost 1,000 points after Dr Nancy Messonnier spoke.

Rod Rosenstein: caught up in the Comey scandal.  He has one sister, Dr. Nancy Messonnier, director of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

And no who "discovered" this -- literally on the fly? Rush Limbaugh.

Meanwhile, coronavirus status, four statistics to follow:

• growth factor trending down (good)
• total deaths, change in total, day-over-day, down to an incredible 2% -- incredibly good news;
• daily deaths, change in daily, day-over-day, another day of "negative" change -- again, incredibly good news;
• by country; not one new country reported any new deaths; China reported 52 new deaths (and they would all be near "ground zero"); and, South Korea reported one new death, but other than that, the chart is "empty" / all white. Italy? No new deaths. Iran? No new deaths. But South Korea, one new death. Wow.

All we have to fear is fear itself.

Incredibly good news but the mainstream media will report this ad nauseum in worst light possible.

I think this is incredibly fascinating.

Why are the masks working? The virus is way smaller than the pores in these masks, but they are working? Why? [And yes, I do "know" the answer; there is an explanation.] [Later: scroll to the bottom of this post.]

Will the virus burn itself out, "naturally," before there is a vaccine?

Is this a bio experiment gone awry in Wuhan?

The Chinese physician who first called attention to this died? Is he the only physician that has died of Covid-19? Exactly what were the circumstances of his death? How many other physicians have died? I haven't heard of any others.

How did a "country physician" come up with the cause of this brand new infectious disease, seemingly overnight? Explanations for most unexplained cases like this are preceded by four articles in the Lancet, two articles in The New England Journal of Medicine, and a breakthrough article in Nature. But in this case, no research articles, but simply a "country doctor" discovering the cause. And then he's dead; within days. Shoot, the incubation period is two weeks. Jeffrey Epstein did not hang himself.

Many, many more questions. The questions fall into two categories. The first category is for Sherlock Holmes to answer: where/how/why/when did the virus appear. I think there is enough circumstantial evidence for Sherlock to start working some theories. In fact, my hunch is that Sherlock Holmes would have already sorted this out. It's too bad Richard Feynman is no longer with us. He, too, would have it figured out. Algore, the inventor of the internet and discoverer of global warming -- I'm surprised we haven't heard from him.

The second category, the public health angle, which is now the "only" medical angle: if you were "king/queen for a day" and could institute your plan to control this infectious disease how/what would you do? What policies would you dictate?

To be continued.

I Put A Spell On You, Nina Simone

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For Investors, Not Traders

As an investor who does not depend on current investments to survive and with a long term horizon (30 years), I'm hoping the market has at least another two weeks of trending down. Talk about a buying opportunity. I cannot hope to buy shares of Disney at their lowest, but I can certainly buy Disney at a better price today than I could buy those shares two weeks ago.

But, hey, wasn't that a hoot?

"I'm outta here. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today, before I leave the office to go home. I'm done." And Bob Iger left Disney just like that. Has anybody of his stature ever left the corner office with such short public notice (like, "no" public notice)?

Disclaimer: this is not an investment site.  Do not make any investment, financial, career, travel, job, or relationship decisions based on what you read here or think you may have read here.

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Wedge Issues

Everyone watching the Democrat debates notes there are eight seven, exactly eight seven, wedge issues, to include:

• free college tuition / all debt paid off;
• a huge, huge wealth tax;
• and, six five more.

The one wedge issue I cannot even begin to identify with is free college tuition / all debt paid off.

We've discussed this before. It's a non-issue for the nation. It's an issue for a few college graduates, but it's a non-issue for the nation. Not one US college graduate complaining about student debt has my sympathy. He/she should consider himself/herself incredibly fortunate. I'm not sure Ill-hand Omar could identify with such indebted college students, based on her own history. 

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South Carolina Debate

I did not see the debate.

I am watching the analysis by MSNBC and Fox News. I gave up on MSNBC; Bret Baier is doing great. After forty minutes, I gave up on even the analysis.

In post-debate analysis, Bernie Sanders got the most attention. Klobuchar and Buttigieg got much attention. Bloomberg a little attention; Biden about as much as Bloomberg. Most surprising? Steyer got no attention in the post-analysis on either cable "channel."

Drudge voters:

• Sanders wins at 30%
• Bloomberg places at 20%
• Klobuchar shows at 16%
• Biden at 11%; 
• Butti-who at 10%;  
• Steyer at 10%; how unimportant is Steyer? to the best of my knowledge President Trump has not given him a nickname;
• Warren at 4%; can't even round up to 5%; stumbled at the gate; never got past the first turn;

Or as Bob Iger might suggest:

• Grumpy
• a real dwarf
• Happy
• Dopey and/or Sleepy
• Doc
• Curella de Vil  

So far, 99,000 folks have voted over at Drudge. Only 14,000 people voted in the Nevada caucuses this past Saturday. Something to think about.

Drudge needs to do a second poll: how many folks voted for a debate winner but actually never watched the debate itself. LOL. It appears the millennial crowd is all in -- voting over at Drudge.

The bigger story: if the debate foreshadows the DNC convention, and I think it does, "Katie, bar the doors."

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Tokyo Olympics

One word: toast.

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Back to Masks

Earlier I asked:

Why are the masks working? The virus is way smaller than the pores in these masks, but they are working? Why? I was wrong in an earlier post suggesting (strongly suggesting) that masks don't work.

But it's obvious they work. They shouldn't work. The coronavirus is several times smaller than the pores in the mask.

My tongue-in-cheek reply to a reader who asked me to expand. Not ready for prime time:

All the reasons you suggest are part of the answer, but this is the #1 reason: viruses are not dry-little 7-gene protein particles that float through the air. When a person sneezes, coughs, etc., they expel saliva, bronchial secretions, other bodily fluids, etc., etc, and that's what the viruses ride on when they come out -- again, they are not dry, little one-micron free-floating particles. They are riding on "relatively" large droplets of bodily fluids.

By the way, another reason: the viruses don't have GPS guidance; they don't penetrate the pores of the mask using satellite positioning. This is not like Star Wars where Skywalkers of the virus world fly their vehicles through a gauntlet of obstacles. Their movement is completely random. The pores may be big enough for viruses to get through but I imagine most of the mask is impenetrable. If not impenetrable, enough there to snag/attract protein particles.

Interestingly, if one could come up with a "product" that could be sprayed on the mask that viruses would get "stuck" on that would improve the efficacy of the mask. I'm thinking "surface protein absorbing material" (or SPAM for short) or PAM (protein absorbing material) which could be sprayed on masks making them that much more efficacious. SPAM, of course, would have an added benefit. Not only does SPAM have natural umami-ness, but Asians are particularly fond of Spam and all things pork.

Zavanna -- Panther, Blue Heeler Wells -- A Closer Look - February 25, 2020

This is really, really cool. With things slowing down because of "coronavirus," I might have more time to catch up. For example, I have 90 minutes with nothing to do so I can look at these wells that just went on the "confidential list."

Disclaimer: this was done very quickly; not proofread; there will be factual and typographical errors. I will clean this up later. 

There are eight wells under consideration.

One of the wells is very old, the parent well, producing, to hold the lease by production.

A year or so ago, Zavanna permitted seven more wells in the same drilling unit (plus a section line well). Three went to DRL status fairly quickly but the other four were DUCs for the longest time.

Finally, today, on the daily activity report, the four DUCs were placed on CONF.

Aha! Something was up.

FracFocus revealed that the three wells on DRL status and the four wells on SI/NC (DUC) status had been fracked, December, 2019, and January, 2020.

Interestingly enough, the parent well has been off line for six months or so.

So, now, this is where we stand:

• the parent well, is off line;
• the seven daughter wells have been fracked; and, remain on DRL status or have gone to CONF status
• my hunch is that they are producing, but not selling (no runs)
• by mid-summer we might see some production data

The wells:

• 21226, 996, Zavanna, Panther 16-21H, Stony Creek, t4/12; cum 426K 5/19; off line as of 6/19;
• 36418, SI/NC-->conf (Feb 25, 2020), Zavanna, Panther 16-22 5TFH XE, Stony Creek, the name suggests this is a Three Forks well on 2560-acre spacing, which if accurate, would cut one's interest in half compared to the standard 1280-acre unit;
• 36419, SI/NC-->conf (Feb 25, 2020), Zavanna, Panther 16-21 4H, Stony Creek, the name suggests this is a middle Bakken well on 1280-acre spacing;
• 36421, SI/NC-->conf (Feb 25, 2020), Zavanna, Panther 16-21 2TFH, Stony Creek, noted to be on SI/NC in late September, 2019;
• 36420, SI/NC-->conf (Feb 25, 2020), Zavanna, Panther 16-21 3TFH, Stony Creek, noted to be on SI/NC in late September, 2019;
• 36544, drl, Zavanna, Blue Heeler 20-16-4H, this one was added August 2, 2019, as a new permit; 1280-acre spacing according to the permit; sections 16/21; noted to be on drl status in late September, 2019;
• 36543, 2 sections; drl, Zavanna, Blue Heeler 20-16 3TFH, added August 2, 2019
• 36542, 4 sections; drl, Zavanna, Blue Heeler 20-17 2H XE, added August 2, 2019

Let's look at the drilling/geologist's report for two of the wells.

• 36418, SI/NC-->conf (Feb 25, 2020), Zavanna, Panther 16-22 5TFH XE, Stony Creek, the name suggests this is a Three Forks well on 2560-acre spacing, from the file report:
• no production prior to being placed on confidential list
• eight miles NE of Williston, ND
• vertical drilled out on August 18, 2019
• the vertical interval was drilled to KOP of 10,410' MD
• one bit was used to build the curve section
• casing set and cemented to a depth of 11,199' upon completion of the curve;
• the curve was completed on August 23, 2019
• the middle Bakken was penetrated at a TVD of 10,463'
• the first bench Three Forks was drilled at TVD of 10,527'; dolomite with embedded shale; moderate gas; trace to moderate oil show;
• lateral, TD, 21,291' 
• gas fluctuated between 500 - 2,000 units (relatively high pressure) through the majority of the horizontal with peaks in excess of 2,000 units
• the horizontal targeted the Three Forks ranging from 10' below the lower Bakken shale down to approximately 3' above the Three Forks claystone
• the horizontal was drilled 70% within the target zone of the formation;
• permit: 2560-acre drilling unit; 15,16, 21 & 22 -155-100
• 36544, drl, Zavanna, Blue Heeler 20-16-4H, this one was added August 2, 2019, as a new permit; 1280-acre spacing according to the permit; sections 16/21; noted to be on drl status in late September, 2019; from the file report:
  about six miles NE of Williston (must be taking a different truck route, LOL)
• target: middle Bakken;
• vertical drilled out on September 5, 2019
• drilled to KOP of 10,150' MD
• one bit was used to build the curve
• the horizontal targeted the middle Bakken ranging from 13' below down to approximately 23' below the upper Bakken shale
• gas levels were between 750 -5,500 units, until going through the gas buster at 14,130' 
• the horizontal was drilled 71.5% with the target zone of the middle Bakken
• FracFocus: fracked, 1/12/20 - 1/28/20; 8.1 million gallons water; 88.9% water by mass

WTI Plunges Another 3 Percent; Now Below $50 -- February 25, 2020

Active rigs:

$49.81	2/25/2020	02/25/2019	02/25/2018	02/25/2017	02/25/2016
Active Rigs	49	66	57	40	39

Three new permits, #37411 - #3741, inclusive:

• Operator: Whiting
• Field: Dollar Joe (Williams)
• Comments:
• Whiting has permits for a 3-well Miller pad in Dollar Joe oil field, NWNE section 15-155-97;

Three permits renewed:

• Rimrock: two Moccasin Creek permits and one Charging Eagle permit; all in Dunn County

One producing well (a DUC) reported as completed:

• 31490, F, Petro-Hunt, USA 153-95-1A-7-3H, Charlson, t--; cum 11K after 14 days;

Sixteen wells approved for confidential status:

• Enerplus: Cumulus, Vapor, Haze, Alto
• Whiting: Meiers, Ogden, John William
• Hess: Go-Hauge (2); EN-Thompason Trust (3)
• Zavanna: Panther (4)

Best Political Story Of The Day -- February 25, 2020

See if you can connect the dots: key California reservoir to be drained due to earthquake risk. -- AP -- Paul Rogers, The Mercury News. Link here. My thoughts later this afternoon.

EVs: Audi suspends electric vehicle production due to battery shortage. Link here.

Daily Activity Report From February 24, 2020 Posted; Twenty Permits Renewed; WIth Six New Rodney/Gale Permits, CLR Now Has Permits For 20 New Wells In One Drilling Unit In Cedar Coulee

Sixteen new permits, #37395 - #37410, inclusive (some of these are from last week):

• Operators: CLR (13 -- six in this report; seven in an earlier report); MRO (2); Liberty Resources
• Fields: Cedar Coulee; Reunion Bay, Enget Lake
• Comments:
• CLR has permits for thirteen more Gale/Rodney wells in NWNE/NENE section 32-147-96, Cedar Coulee;
• MRO has permits for two wells; one a Wallentinson USA well in NESE section 8-151-94, Reunion Bay; and, a Stanfest USA well in the same section; same field;
• Liberty Resources has a single permit for an Ester well in NWNW section 28-158-93; Enget Lake oil field [the scout ticket shows this to be in Enget Lake, which appears to be correct; the daily activity report (erroneously?) placed it in Reunion Bay]

Twenty permits renewed:

• Enerplus (7): seven lizard permits (Anole, Cayman, Frilled, Gecko, Lizard, Tegu, and Basilisk) in McKenzie County; see this note also;
• Slawson (7): five Stallion permits; one Zephyr Federal and one Armada Federal permit, all in Mountrail County; 
• CLR (5): five Fuller permits in Dunn County
• Whiting: one P Earl Rennerfelt permit in Williams County;

Five permits canceled:

• Bruin: five Wm Brown permits in Williams County;

Natural Gas Production Update -- The EIA Dashboards -- The Bakken Is Surging -- February 25, 2020

Managing their resources: maybe this is why we saw the number of active rigs in North Dakota plunge from 54 to 49 overnight. The plunge occurred prior to the coronavirus shock of February 24, 2020.

Re-posting, but this time, look at the increase in natural gas production, per day, per average rig, in the three super-duper shale oil fields in North America. Look at "gas" in the three fields.

EIA dashboards, March, 2020, vs February, 2020:

• natural gas storage 
• EIA pdf, Bakken: https://www.eia.gov/petroleum/drilling/pdf/bakken.pdf
• EIA, pdf, Permian: https://www.eia.gov/petroleum/drilling/pdf/permian.pdf
• EIA, pdf, Eagle Ford: https://www.eia.gov/petroleum/drilling/pdf/eagleford.pdf

Look at the crude oil production/well in the various fields?

• Change in production, month-over-month, from one average rig:
• Bakken: an incredible jump of 31 bbls/day/rig; month-over-month; and that was top of an already-high monthly production --perhaps this is why CLR is "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead"
• Permian: in comparison, despite low figures to begin with, the Permian saw a change of only two (2) bbls/day/rig, month-over-month;
• Eagle Ford: similar profile to the Bakken, but lagging slightly

EIA Dashboards Have Been Posted -- Bakken Surges -- February 25, 2020

The February, 2020 "dashboards" have been posted.

EIA dashboards, March, 2020, vs February, 2020:

• natural gas storage 
• EIA pdf, Bakken: https://www.eia.gov/petroleum/drilling/pdf/bakken.pdf
• EIA, pdf, Permian: https://www.eia.gov/petroleum/drilling/pdf/permian.pdf
• EIA, pdf, Eagle Ford: https://www.eia.gov/petroleum/drilling/pdf/eagleford.pdf

Look at the crude oil production/well in the various fields?

• Change in production, month-over-month, from one average rig:
• Bakken: an incredible jump of 31 bbls/day/rig; month-over-month; and that was top of an already-high monthly production --perhaps this is why CLR is "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead"
• Permian: in comparison, despite low figures to begin with, the Permian saw a change of only two (2) bbls/day/rig, month-over-month;
• Eagle Ford: similar profile to the Bakken, but lagging slightly

The right kind of oil: link here.

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For The Granddaughters

Lost in translation:

Where CLR Plans To Put (At Least) Twenty More Wells -- February 25, 2020

Graphic of the day: see this note regarding these two graphics:

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For The Granddaughters

Soccer, the season begins:

Coronavirus, The Crude Price Slide, And OPEC Production Cuts -- RBN Energy -- February 25, 2020

DOC: the RBN Energy blog today discusses the DOC, see more below the cut.

We start with a review of the OPEC-Plus production cuts, which were originally agreed in the Declaration of Cooperation (DOC) signed on December 6, 2016. The DOC called on 11 OPEC members and 11 non-members to cut output by a total of 1.8 MMb/d, starting on January 1, 2017.

The agreement was to last only six months, but it now runs through March 31, 2020, and might be extended again. Responding to market changes, DOC participants have deepened their agreed-to cuts twice and changed baselines against which reductions are measured. And while the DOC has been in effect, OPEC has gained two members, Equatorial Guinea (originally a non-OPEC participant in OPEC-Plus) and the Republic of Congo; it also lost a member, Qatar. Also since the signing of the DOC, OPEC has lifted and added exemptions from ceilings for members with production hampered by external sanctions or domestic problems. Libya and Nigeria didn’t have ceilings under the December 2016 agreement. Now, Libya, Iran and Venezuela are exempted from its production caps.

Re-arranging chairs on the Titanic: former Saudi Arabian energy minister, Prince Alfalfa, has been named the new minister of investment. Good luck. He will need it.

Liberty: back on April 13, 2013, the very first pipeline I highlighted was the "Liberty Pipeline," a Phillips 66 / Bridger Pipeline joint venture. It's back in the news.

Liberty Pipeline ops: Phillips 66 Partners gets 50%.

• Phillips 66 Partners LP to acquire 50% interest in the Liberty Pipeline project
• $75-million deal
• cost of the pipeline: $1.6 billion (gross); about $800 million net to the partnership;

Mexico: politics threatens investment interest -- that was the takeaway regarding an article on the giant Zama oil field; Zama oil field?

• one of the world's biggest shallow water oil fields discovered in the past 20 years;
• 35 miles off the coast of Tabasco, Mexcio
• two billion boe
• operated by Talos Energy; apparently can't close the deal;
• Talos: 35%
• Sierra Oil and Gas (40%)
• Premier (25%)
• discovered in July, 2017
• if you look at the map, and imagine where "that meteor [asteroid/comet]" hit 66 million years ago, Zama is at the circumference of that impact, at the 6:00 p.m. location

66 million years ago:

• the Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event; commonly known as the "K-Pg boundary;
• a mass extinction in which 75% of plant and animal species on Earth became extinct;
• most famous casualty: all non-avian dinosaurs
• quick: spell the name of the supposed "impactor"

Noble? Not so much any more -- Noble Corp receives NYSE notice -- Noble has six months to bring its share price and thirty trading-day average share price above $1.00
can you say "reverse split"?

• my dad always told me that he did not like reverse splits

Disclaimer: this is not an investment site.  Do not make any investment, financial, career, travel, job, or relationship decisions based on what you read here or think you may have read here.

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Back to the Bakken

Active rigs:

$51.40	2/25/2020	02/25/2019	02/25/2018	02/25/2017	02/25/2016
Active Rigs	49	66	57	40	39

Four wells coming off the confidential list today.

Tuesday, February 25, 2020:

• 35830, conf, CLR, Imsland 5-31H1, 
• 35829, conf,  CLR, Imsland 4-31H,
• 35421, conf, MRO, Beatrice USA 31-15TFH, 
• 33424, conf,  Sinclair Oil, Crosby Creek 5-5H,

RBN Energy: Coronavirus, the crude oil price slide, and OPEC production cuts. Nice history (archived).

Oil-production restraint by OPEC and 10 cooperating countries grows more challenging with time, and just when market projections began to hint at relief for the OPEC-Plus group, the spread of the new coronavirus in China and beyond became a sudden and possibly serious impediment to global economic growth and oil demand. Yesterday’s slide in crude oil prices amid newly heightened concern about the potential pandemic’s effects will only add to the challenges that OPEC-Plus countries will face in managing crude supply. So far, the OPEC-Plus group has achieved unprecedented compliance with its production ceilings, which it implemented in January 2017 and has adapted a few times since in response to market pressure. That effort has kept the crude price above the ruinous levels of 2015, memories of which have encouraged quota discipline. But the threat of a major, coronavirus-related slowdown in global oil demand could seriously undermine OPEC-Plus’s efforts, which already had been hurt by dissent within its ranks. Today, we continue our series with a look at Monday’s price drop, the latest supply and demand forecasts and a discussion of the obstacles that might affect OPEC-Plus going forward. 

Prices for West Texas Intermediate (WTI) and Brent dropped by 4% on Monday, February 24, on news that reported cases of coronavirus — a.k.a. COVID-19 — have surged in South Korea, Italy and Iran. While energy markets and entities such as the International Energy Agency (IEA), the U.S. Energy Information Administration (EIA) and OPEC already had built in their forecasts at least some slowdown in economic growth and oil demand, new fears that COVID-19 could have a much broader impact — as reflected in yesterday’s oil price decline — may well result in further reductions in forecasted demand for oil over the next few months. And that could quash OPEC-Plus’s hope that, after more than three years of ratcheted-up production restraint, pressure on the group for still more cuts in production might ease as soon as next year. Of course, how this all plays out will not only impact oil prices but U.S. shale producers’ drilling-and-completion plans for 2020 and 2021.

Notes From All Over, Part 1 -- February 25, 2020

Plagiarism much? Link here.

Cashless in Seattle: Amazon opens cashierless supermarket in Seattle, WA.

He didn't hang himself: in light of that recent death near Plymouth, CA, I thought it would be interesting to re-post the "Clinton list." Is this the real reason Zero Hedge was permanently banned from twitter?

Standstill: for unknown reasons, southbound traffic on TX Highway 121 into Ft Worth this morning at 5:00 a.m. had come to a complete standstill.

McDonald's: yesterday I mentioned a make-over. It continues. I have never seen this restaurant so incredibly spruced up.

Backyard: I need to bring my "real" camera and a telephoto lens; lots of birds on the patio, in the backyard. A first: a pair of woodpeckers, male and female. I had not seen that in our backyard before. The suet is attracting them. I am now convinced these are not ladder-backed woodpeckers in our backyard, as I originally thought. It is very, very clear that the woodpeckers I'm watching in the DFW area have their red plumage on the back of their neck / their nape and not on the crown of their heads. This makes it most likely they are red-bellied woodpecker.]

Florida: the one state Trump won't have to campaign in if Bolshevik Bernie gets the nomination. Bernie is "all in" when it comes to supporting Fidel Castro and Cuba. Miami? Not so much.

Lexicon: has anyone else noticed? When the GOP does it, it's "dirty tricks" (or worse); when the Democrats do it, it's "oppositional research."  Who coined the phrase?

Amazon: had it not been for Amazon, it's questionable whether we would have ever seen "same-day, free delivery" in my lifetime. Here is our local grocery store, offering "same-day, free delivery:

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From A Reader

The reader noted that the list below missed this one:

• "Fixin' to trade my truck in on a Tesla."

Southern Boys Will Never Say

• When I retire, I'm movin' North.
• I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
• Duct tape won't fix that.
• Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken with a slice of lime.
• We don't keep no guns in this house.
• You can't feed that to the dog.
• No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
• Wrestling is fake.
• We're vegetarians.
• Do you think my gut is too big?
• I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits, grits, and gravy.
• Honey, we don't need another dog.
• Who gives a rip who won the Civil War?
• Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
• Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
• I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
• Trim the fat off that steak.
• Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
• The tires on that truck are too dang big.
• I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.
• Unsweetened tea tastes better.
• My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
• I've got two cases of Blue Moon iced down for the Super Bowl.
• Checkmate!
• She's too young to be wearing that bikini.
• Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
• I don't have a favorite football team.
• "Youse Guys"
• Those cutoffs ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

And the number one thing you will never hear a southern boy say:

• Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload of us down to help in the Elizabeth Warren campaign.